i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
