That's when you crack a 10am beer
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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