The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We have so much sex to catch up on
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
