Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize