Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
