Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
