my mouth tastes like poor choices
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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