Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
