Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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