I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It was confusing and full of hummus
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
