that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
