I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
