How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
