To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
