I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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