The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
