so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
