He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
