Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
