At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
