You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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