And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
organizing the empties. That sober.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
