oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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