I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize