we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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