I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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