Just took my morning after pill in the library
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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