But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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