I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
