Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
