y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
