I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
