She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
