I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize