I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
