Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I got her a Nickelback box set.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
