I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Randomize
