i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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