we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
