How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
