That's intense
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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