when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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