thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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