So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
