Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
