Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
