have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
