o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I understand Curling. That high.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
