Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
