so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
