No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
