I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
