he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
