Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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