I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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