Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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