who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
this hospital has no fireball
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
