hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
