is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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