She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
