my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
