I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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