I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
