I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize