he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
