Swine flu. Run for my life!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize