Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
