Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
