I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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