not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
