yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
