you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
