the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
