when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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