Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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