You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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