Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
