Already got asked if we're dating
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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